can I get two why yes you may there you go no I think this ones for you you paint your thoughts well your life story has crash and burned as these do burn but it's nice all the same you play something familiar but ti's something I haven't heard you belong there where I can't look at you or speak to you our few moments have passed it's fun being you but I can't write or say what's on my thoughts this is part of what I was hoping for and I'm happy it's one of those days when you tell yourself I will never see him again and it's those days that I can smile on or spend forever laughing about a little what was I thinking and I told myself so many things I know not to hold so much truth I am great as I am and that's a lot for me if I could do it all again I'd be many parts of you sleep or distraction to keep you entertained I and my pen me and my paintbrush my thoughts to keep me company silence to clear my head you and your songs you and your guitar a story to tell no one to listen how sad innocently begging for an inch of something a second and a breath something that jingles and kindness that folds and you did
Saturday, October 15, 2005
Sunday, October 9, 2005
Still October...
10.05.05
Have another sip of coffee and I'll share a secret with you my words bring no meaning no answers no lies or truth they may help pass the time no tears will be shed or will they my words perhaps may bring a smile to your face and if so good for you man I have advice to give I'm sure it's called common sense so I'll say... pay attention and let that be all for now
I saw you conversing in the cold I passed by wearing my sweater and you with nothing to keep you warm except for the thought that someone might be listening... is anyone listening and after passing I think there was nothing I could do but I know that's a lie every now and then I see this boy with no ears and holes in his shoes I wish I could help him a hug and a smile but maybe it's something for him to me it's not enough
To explain it well I can't but I can't just be in church every week and feel like hey now I'm a good person it has to be something to me or else it is a pointless waste of time I have been a Christian my whole life and still I feel a bit wrong saying it I mean after so long and this is where I am and to look at others after only months or so I don't know what hole I need to fill or actions I need to take but something for me is missing something my parents can't force me to have they say it's drama but it's my life maybe it's what I make it maybe it's how it happens I can only wish hope and pray and deal with what I'm dealt
I do hope that you will one day see as I do whether it's right or wrong just to understand another point of view that alone will do you good.
Have another sip of coffee and I'll share a secret with you my words bring no meaning no answers no lies or truth they may help pass the time no tears will be shed or will they my words perhaps may bring a smile to your face and if so good for you man I have advice to give I'm sure it's called common sense so I'll say... pay attention and let that be all for now
I saw you conversing in the cold I passed by wearing my sweater and you with nothing to keep you warm except for the thought that someone might be listening... is anyone listening and after passing I think there was nothing I could do but I know that's a lie every now and then I see this boy with no ears and holes in his shoes I wish I could help him a hug and a smile but maybe it's something for him to me it's not enough
To explain it well I can't but I can't just be in church every week and feel like hey now I'm a good person it has to be something to me or else it is a pointless waste of time I have been a Christian my whole life and still I feel a bit wrong saying it I mean after so long and this is where I am and to look at others after only months or so I don't know what hole I need to fill or actions I need to take but something for me is missing something my parents can't force me to have they say it's drama but it's my life maybe it's what I make it maybe it's how it happens I can only wish hope and pray and deal with what I'm dealt
I do hope that you will one day see as I do whether it's right or wrong just to understand another point of view that alone will do you good.
Thursday, October 6, 2005
Oct or Nov...
You say my name lie it's alright but it's not the same it's not who I am it's not what I feel it makes me want to scream and I really don't want to deal with you it's not alright it's not okay it doesn't sound the same in any other way no matter how no matter why it's up to me to be satisfied and all you do it's just sad treating me an awful bad but I I'm just me and that's all that really matters I guess
...
You remember me we've never met your hazel eyes I can't forget it's true just gimme a moment I know I'll find your memory hasn't left my mind how did I let you pass me by with no second look
You play and you play you say and you say but I don't listen I don't hear and you're gone cause I'm gone so long I don't want to listen I don't want to hear I don't want to face my deepest fear it's too near and I can't feel my feet
Come in through my window brown eyes and sing me to sleep come in through my window your secrets I will keep come in though my window blue eyes come in I'll share with you my deepest sin come in through my window green eyes and hold me tight alone I may not make it through the night
Our love is a rambled mess a race that we can't win it's a black hole sucking all that's good within should we keep running ahead and hope we'll catch our breath or lay this tragedy to it's death you'll find me in a corner hiding my face for all the good and bad times that can't be replaced and you'll never fine me you'll never try I'm nothing more to you than a slice of apple pie so lies here our goodbyes that neither us can say we're just holding onto perhaps another day
I can't find you your voice your face any spark in your eye I can't feel your breath or hear your heart I can't say if your hands are warm or soft
You play and you play you say and you say but I don't listen I don't hear and you're gone cause I'm gone so long I don't want to listen I don't want to hear I don't want to face my deepest fear it's too near and I can't feel my feet
Come in through my window brown eyes and sing me to sleep come in through my window your secrets I will keep come in though my window blue eyes come in I'll share with you my deepest sin come in through my window green eyes and hold me tight alone I may not make it through the night
Our love is a rambled mess a race that we can't win it's a black hole sucking all that's good within should we keep running ahead and hope we'll catch our breath or lay this tragedy to it's death you'll find me in a corner hiding my face for all the good and bad times that can't be replaced and you'll never fine me you'll never try I'm nothing more to you than a slice of apple pie so lies here our goodbyes that neither us can say we're just holding onto perhaps another day
I can't find you your voice your face any spark in your eye I can't feel your breath or hear your heart I can't say if your hands are warm or soft
Sunday, October 2, 2005
Men and Women...
Weighed down by embarrassment and faithlessness reaching out and holding onto anything that covers the truth and hides from belief
in what way can I express my love thats never been done or said before to show the desires of my heart to the fullest
there's more than just to live and die to gain to lose in value and wanting
I'll always be that little girl inside afraid to show my face but at the same time dying to smile
So thankful to have this home a family to love and education the freedom knowledge privilege the little things a pillow the shoes on my feet my pain cannot compare to those who have truly lost
may my heart always be honest loving and giving and may I always be able also in building others up that they too may be a blessing
Where did the day go by that night fell so soon I see myself alone with no answers to what I want and feel only feeling that I'll never know
this wall I've built around me keeps out all I've craved for so long I can't even speak my desires would I then be able to mend the past and live fully in my future
I can't take more truth than what I know as hard as I try to comprehend it's so impossible of others even if possible I can't speak to a crowd stand before many or choose to fall
The day I jumped if only I'd jump everyday knowing it could be my last
Right now nothing in my life is as important and never could be
you can't always bring me to smile you won't always see my tears or notice my shame you may never understand what I'm running from I just hope you would never leave my side and stand by me through the greatest storms
in what way can I express my love thats never been done or said before to show the desires of my heart to the fullest
there's more than just to live and die to gain to lose in value and wanting
I'll always be that little girl inside afraid to show my face but at the same time dying to smile
So thankful to have this home a family to love and education the freedom knowledge privilege the little things a pillow the shoes on my feet my pain cannot compare to those who have truly lost
may my heart always be honest loving and giving and may I always be able also in building others up that they too may be a blessing
Where did the day go by that night fell so soon I see myself alone with no answers to what I want and feel only feeling that I'll never know
this wall I've built around me keeps out all I've craved for so long I can't even speak my desires would I then be able to mend the past and live fully in my future
I can't take more truth than what I know as hard as I try to comprehend it's so impossible of others even if possible I can't speak to a crowd stand before many or choose to fall
The day I jumped if only I'd jump everyday knowing it could be my last
Right now nothing in my life is as important and never could be
you can't always bring me to smile you won't always see my tears or notice my shame you may never understand what I'm running from I just hope you would never leave my side and stand by me through the greatest storms
Saturday, October 1, 2005
...
Can't I just let in what's wrong and hope for the best in something I expect nothing from or rely on what's right and wait for all the mistakes I can admit that something I am sorry for the way I feel in that I sometimes get what I want I don't always know what I want I can't just go with something I'm unsure of it's ofter easier not to think all you know and don't all I do isn't much I miss your smile your touch today was beautiful almost unreal or was it am I just a fool in a dream lost in fantasy dove in too deep never to return I want it right I want it back and to let go do you not see the sighs do you not reach out when I call do you not answer in all my confusion did you ever stop to think of my thoughts and feelings and realize there's nothing wrong with your own
Nothing can explain the desires of my heart into words you would understand or even I you fill so many spaces you cover many memories you hold me in a place that is safe I'm afraid to stay always been afraid wanting to feel anything if it was what I made it reality is what I fear the most it's what hurts scares tares would you fight for me would you think and not hold back would you open your many closed doors can I be trusted there must be more than this more that I can give or try never ending pieces found and scattered broken and mended and forgotten
Nothing can explain the desires of my heart into words you would understand or even I you fill so many spaces you cover many memories you hold me in a place that is safe I'm afraid to stay always been afraid wanting to feel anything if it was what I made it reality is what I fear the most it's what hurts scares tares would you fight for me would you think and not hold back would you open your many closed doors can I be trusted there must be more than this more that I can give or try never ending pieces found and scattered broken and mended and forgotten
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