It's a question I must ask myself Always searching for answers never to be found What can rid me of this pain and suffering I have my good days and I have my bad I was never honest with myself and always hiding from others Now it's a challenge to unlock everthing that I've been avoiding I want to be set free of this I know God can take the bad and turn into something good I have a fear that this is something that will never go away It's something I must live with for the rest of my life Some say I'm stronger because of it I know this to be true in some sense I want to let go of the past and move forward unfortunately it doesn't seem to work that way as much as I'd like to pretend it does This is not something I can keep putting off or it'll only get worse I'm sure I've seen what has happened to others and I know that doesn't have to be me I can learn from others mistakes I choose my path moving forward I always wanted to help others Now I realize I am of no use to anyone until I can help myself Step one I'm coming to find is learning that it's okay to cry Often times I can't Often times I'm empty lately it comes as a flood and I don't always know why and I can't always give into it and find the root of the problem I've become so emotional reminds me of a night when I was pregnant my dad said hey are you alright? My usual response would be yeah I'm fine and that'd be it but instead I broke down crying not knowing why I was just going through so much Well that's pretty much where I'm at right now except I'm not prego
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
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So afraid of crying afraid to live afraid of dying So afraid to let it be so afraid to lose so afraid to love another so afraid to choose I know his perception is not my own I know who lives and breathes in me but something in his honesty sent doubt upon me but in his doubt I will not stay I have my faith on which I stand and words of truth that are my own and in this life sometimes truth being what you make it is all that matters though not always the same as another I have nothing to prove and I have no reason to lie we have this one life to live and to learn he was young and confused knowing what he wants or only thinking he knew but at this time in life nothing would ever reach his expectations so somewhere down the road he will come to find that he needs to come out of the clouds and make less excuses his wall of protection is only keeping him in loneliness I have brighter days and brighter ways to enjoy this gift that has been given
Monday, August 10, 2009
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