Friday, July 30, 2010

Night night...

July 31, 2010

ME: Is that good hot chocolate?

Caela: Mmhm I don't gag!

...

Caela falls asleep in the car alot
Me: You tired babe..
Caela: No, I'm just hot

...

Caela: I love you like flowers I can pick and butterflies I can catch

...
Caela: I love my mom she's a goose
Me: I love my caela shes' a bug

...
Caela: How come I'm not invited to your party
Me: I'm not having a party
Caela: You should have a chuck e cheese cake
...

I didn't get what I wished for, what I got was a whole lot better!!!

Me: Guess What?

Caela: What?

Me: I love you!!

Caela: That's not a Secret!! (with attitude)

I can't wait to see my Cousin Shanda in September!!! I love love love and miss her!!

I love my family.. the good the bad the ugly.. they're still family!!

I'm glad I don't drink a lot of soda.. does raspberry tea count?

August 2, 2010

If you don't know.. just ask me
...
I see pieces in other people that I admire.. true beauty people carry within. Where does my mind take me tonight.. I remember you with words these words make no sense I remember you with simple moments as simple as a smile One day I went fishing a fishin I went the water was too cold for a swim but I would have jumped in.. My eyes were too quiet my lips were too lost and you in many ways could've saved me had I let you in.. but much time was spent alone.. Yellow bus take me to school bring me home again.. What if we had never met what if all we were was passing by but all the same in meeting and passing had I been forgotten once only to meet again She was quiet she was sad a little lonely seeking attention hair dark eyes blue as sky I didn't know her pain but I could feel it just by looking at her I want to paint a picture but all my mind sees is blank I want to write a poem but I can't find the words one day I saw a lady in a bath room just her and I and as much as I would've just went on with my day something came over me before I knew it I was asking was she ok and would she like me to pray for her I couldn't believe the words coming out of my mouth how could I pray for someone I had never seen before who I had never known she was so thankful and I have never seen her again another time at a conference a man in a wheel chair caught my eye I couldn't shake the feeling like I was drawn to him something in me felt that I should pray for this man across the way I didn't want to listen I was about to leave the building and feeling the heaviest weight of guilt on my heart without understanding I had to go back and find that man and when I did he was across the way with people laying hands on him praying I turned and left that night I realized when God places these callings on our hearts it is up to us to listen but if we don't there will always be someone else willing to take the task that night I feel like I lost out on something truly great No words can describe when you feel as though the spirit is speaking directly to you it instantly softens the heart no walls standing One night at church I went up for an alter call my sister had taken my hand to go with her before I knew it I was lying on the floor covered with a blanket cause I had been wearing a skirt twice now I've gone up for an alter call for prayer before I knew it tears were streaming down my face spiritually I'm in such a powerful moment but at the same time my mind is like "what are you doing" and it's embarrassing to be crying in front of so many strangers.. I think that is something so huge I need to fix within myself what emotions are ok to have and feel.. I didn't cry at my aunts funeral my older sister couldn't understand what on earth was wrong with me did I not care.. I cried later on my own many times.. I can't scream or yell it's hard for me to show anger.. I smile at times where I'm not comfortable I've laughed at inappropriate times

Where are we? Trying to find myself when here I am it's not enough to just be or is it?
Hear my heart still pounding it comforts me at night to see another day come and gone I shall not lose sight for backwards is not where I'm going and ahead is where I will be so take this chance not knowing what will become of me
So late can't sleep so hot waiting for time to pass will I ever catch up someday if I find a way to stay ahead of it all mean while I'll learn to see the fun and games I'm never too old for fun this night isn't to worry this night is to sleep so I'll shut my eyes lay my head on my pillow and not for a second will I think of you
Tell me when several years have passed and I will have forgotten you there are so many fish in the sea does that comfort you will there always be another once you're done then after that? when you're through I don't believe in what I feel though it pounds as though it's true this feeling of heartache loss and confusion reminds me I'm alive but in the end all the lies and ignorance is loneliness where I'll arrive take me and forget me leave me and I'll go
Cars are passing moon is high time won't stand still talk whispers in the silence try not to move be still a kiss to say hello a kiss to say goodbye what's romance anyway I think the most important thing I know is that I know nothing

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